The Revolution Begins

The Melton Revolution is rolling through the country, sweeping aside no-longer Loophole Starters with the vigor and tenacity of a plague. There is only one thing we can take for certain: heads will continue to roll. Let’s take a moment to remember the fallen

·      De’Anthony Melton – I took him in the 7th rd of the draft and wowee did we have a good month plus with all the Philly injuries. But he flew too close to the sun with that 78-point game, and down he went. RIP

·      Bojan Bogdanovic – Peanut took him with the 23rd overall pick and he’s been on fire ever since. We were willing to overlook the fact that he’s been starting since day one until Peanut just had to go out and win a couple games. Hopefully they trade him to a contender and he winds up being our league’s best player

·      Bol Bol – The darling of the NBA; I love this man more than several family members. But a solid month of starts kicked that freaky son of a bitch to the curb (caveat: supposing the Magic get healthy again ever, he’s a prime candidate for comeback player of the same season)

·      Jeremiah Robinson-Earle – We didn’t get to take a vote on JRE, Michael divorced him quietly in the night like Joseph tried to do with Mary

 And now, a brief and terrifying peak into the future, a la Terminator: The Melton Revolution’s Demands (AKA: the New Cuspers)

·      Killian Hayes – Poor guy, it came true. Cade’s done for the year. Now I’d already made the gentleman’s agreement to let Hayes play for a month after this potential news broke, but with the pressure from the Revolution, I’m shortening it to the end of the month. I have here some words from the leader himself: “By formal decree, Will has until the new year to find a replacement for Hayes or provide apt proof that he is no longer a starter.”

·      Alpy Sengun – This Turkish Delight fits the Bogdanovic mold. We’re okay with it until you win a game, but morally it’s unjust, Kenny. I have here another statement: “We the people of the revolution henceforth do not recognize our old comrade Alperen Sengun, and demand that he be dropped posthaste.”

·      Kelly Oubre and Jalen McDaniels – Through some ESPN snooping, Will uncovered that McDaniels is listed as the starter now. While tonight disproves that, it’s still an interesting case going forward. The leader had some words on this, but I’ve censored them to the point of erasure

·      Mo Wagner – This one’s lower on their list, and for good reason, but even with a healthy Bamba, Wagner’s been starting. Just planting the seed. From the leader: “We immediately became suspicious when not one but two Germans weasled their way into the lineup. This is a slap in the face to our entire moral code, and we will be keeping a very sharp eye on proceedings down in Disney.”

·      AJ Griffin – Listen, I’m fair. AJ’s been starting for the mad-hurt Hawks, and while it hasn’t been a month yet, it’s getting there, and as the leader said: “All of AJ’s facial features are too close to the center of his face. This has nothing to do with our revolution, but it did draw our attention.”

Now that the ugly stuff is out of the way, here’s A Fun Way For Kenny To Say “Fuck It” and Blow It All Up (In steps)

1.     Put Ziaire Williams in your fucking lineup, ya dolt

2.     Trade Grant Williams before Timelord comes back and hurts his minutes and his trade value for Brandon Clarke

3.     Drop THJ cause his clock is ticking in the Melton Revolution and pick up David “Big Body” Roddy

4.     Trade Bruce Brown and the poisoned Alperen Sengun for John Konchar and Santi Aldama. While you may call this a terrible trade, he’s getting great value out of a player Michael will immediately have to drop and who Kenny was gonna drop anyway. Selling as high as possible on the way out, and getting back two quality, long-term players

5.     Drop Tre Mann for Kennedy Chandler, who just dropped 30 fantasy points

6.     Trade Bogdan Bogdanovic for Tyus Jones straight up

7.     Drop Robert Covington cause he’s always hurt and snag Jake Laravia, underrated rookie

8.     Kick the injured Jordan McLaughlin to the curb and Xavier Tillman

9.     Complete the Grizzlies roster by dropping Georges Niang and picking up great long-con value Danny Green

10.  Success