Newsletter

Big one tonight. I’m heated,

This week I come to you humbled by inactivity, foisted by my own petard, laid low by my love of the past. In the brief time it took for you all to respond to my text about dropping Melton, Michael picked up Ayo Dosunmu before I could get to him. It was almost as if my very text reminded him "Oh, I was just about to fuck Dillon's day up," and then he went and did it with a smile on his face. Leaving me to settle for Davion Mitchell. Not the worst. In fact he's been playing well lately, thanks for asking. He didn’t play as well as Ayo, but who’s counting? Oh, I am. I’m fucking counting, Michael.

I’m actually not mad at you, Big Mike, I’m just projecting. I’m truly, well and truly furious at Larry Nance Jr. Wish I didn’t like him so much. My life would be easier if he was even a little bit hateable. Fucking 60 points on the final day to hand me this L. Made me so damn mad I went ahead and wrote the email. But it’s fine.

While I’m running hot, let’s take aim at Bol Bol. After a vote of 5 to 1, I dropped DeAnthony Melton this weekend for starting well over a month in the absence of Tyrese Maxey (who’s not returning anytime soon). Bol’s in an eerily similar position, and I’ll light the ceremonial torch. Let me know how ya’ll feel.

On to the real stuff: A Trade!

I sent Cory Kispert to Isaac for Shaedon Sharpe. Now in real life this would be a fire-able offense for Isaac: a 23-year-old white guy for an untapped talent who might end up being generational. But in the wacky world that is fantasy basketball, I fear I've made a grave mistake. Kispert's been starting since Beal went out, and the Wizards are simply not going to rush back their 30-something franchise player with a hamstring injury and a $250 million contract. Just gotta hope Sharpe finds his form again, and soon

A Most Interesting Maneuver 

Friday, Michael (it's just Michael Day, I guess) texted me proof that Jarred Vanderbilt had been coming off the bench for Utah's last two games. Taking a giant leap of faith, Michael dropped Pat Connaughton for Vando, who promptly started the next game. We'll keep an eye on Vando's eligibility, but I'm suspicious. Psyched to welcome Pat to the Waiver wire, though. May the best man win.

Free Agent Roundup

Let's round up a pretty active week wherein Isaac picked up Zach Fucking Collins again, 

• Cody snagged Nembhard after Will unceremoniously dumped him
• Will swapped Iso Ayo for the Duke Dropout Jalen Johnson after the Hawks went from hurt to hurter (there's a great Kevin Heurter joke in here somewhere that I’m too mad to produce)
• Old Man Team thought to follow suit by picking up Justin Holiday, which turned out to be foolishness
• Will continued his week of scoring an ass-ton of points and winning easily while simultaneously making a crazy number of mistakes by dropping Jordan Goodwin (Beal replacement who's obviously gone off) for Josh Richardson
• Isaac swapped Collins for Kennard just to spite me
• 14 hours later Isaac dropped Kennard for Naji Marshall, a name not on my list but a solid pickup if you don't like Luke Kennard
• Old Man Team thought Austin Rivers might be fun, swapped Jeff Green (who put in a great ep on Ryen Russillo's pod the other week) for Justin the disaster Holiday, then went and made a move that actually worked out really well after having the hard-hitting realization that Victor Oladipo is 30
• Michael made the aforementioned moves and rubbed salt directly into my eye (Damn you, Larry. You lovable ass)
• After a vote of 5 to 1 (with two non-voters who I assume would've gone with the majority in this case) I dropped De'Anthony Melton. More on this later
• With the news of Dallas resting everyone, I swapped Josh Green for Jaden Hardy, a man who had -4 points in the fourth quarter but somehow finished with 20
• Old Man Team made good on their promise to pick up Dougie Buckets
• Cody dropped the eternally mercurial Daniel Gafford

Phew, that was a lot. And now, for Part Two, My Picks for Best Available Free Agents

Santi Aldama - Dude is en fuego. He's getting spot starts every now and then as they bring JJJ all the way back up to snuff, but he's firmly a bench player with full eligibility who hasn't put up less than 20 fantasy points for five games running. Get this man

Mo Bamba - They're starting Mo Wagner and he's playing well, so Mo's slid comfortably into his backup role. I just can't bring myself to drop Hartenstein, or Bamba would already be on my team. 18, 19, and, that’s right, 44 fantasy pts in his last three games

Pat Connaughton – Bucks are finally healthy

Luke Kennard - I mean, damn, Isaac will probably snag him before I can finish typing this email just to keep him eternally on the waiver wire. But supposing that doesn't happen, go out and get a healthy Clippers bench player while he lasts

Kum Buckets - After an abysmal start to the year, Kuminga's come on strong in the last two weeks. He'll still give you back-to-back games of 1 and 2 points, but lately he's been sandwiching those with games of 42 and 49 

Bonus Stars!

The Defense Optional Bonus Star goes to Me and Steven for playing a matchup where both of us scored over 775 points

The Heartbreaker Bonus Star goes to Me and Michael for losing matchups by 31 and 43 points respectively

The Shoot Your Way Out of The Slump Bonus Star goes to Peanut for picking up another dub. Shouts out Peanut