Friday, December 16, 2022

Trade Tower

If you've listened to Bill Simmons you already know how this works, but if you haven't: I wouldn't trade the guy at the top of this list for anyone, but I would trade the guy at the bottom of this list for everyone above him. For example: I'd trade Tyus Jones for Bruce Brown, but I wouldn't trade Bruce Brown for Tyus Jones, therefore Brown's higher on this list. It’s as up to date as I can make it, factoring in injuries. I did not set out for this to be so long. Apologies in advance


Tier 1: Fuck Off - These are the guys that are flat-out untouchable. The only dudes in our league averaging over 30 fppg. In a stratosphere of their own

1.     Bobby Portis - It's extremely tough between him and Russ, but the man with the most double doubles off the bench in the whole league is my number one "Go fuck yourself, I'm not trading him" guy

2.     Russ - Westbrook has come all the way around. And while he's still got his doubters, I'm all in. The biggest triple double threat in our league, and the most terrifying player to face. Just to help with the logic of this exercise, him being second means you would only trade him for Bobby Portis

Tier 2: Hard No - I'm not interested unless you give me the motherload

3.     Jordan Poole - For all this talk of Poole not looking as good as he did last year, he's still the 17th best sg/pg in the NBA and he's putting up 27 fppg. Next few weeks could, and probably will, vault him into the top tier with Curry out

4.     Bruce Brown - Very, very near to the Fuck Off Tier, but undeniably the top of this one. Plays every position for the ever-banged-up Nuggets and will never let you down, just doesn’t have that A++ nuclear option that Poole offers

5.     Tyus Jones - Mr. Consistency. Which is funny because I considered trading him to Will a few weeks ago. Luckily I kept my wits about me. A rockstar in this league who will get massive minutes and rattle off 60-point games no matter what

6.     Malcolm Brogdan - His injury history looms over him still, which gives him a bit of a ceiling, but he's still in rarefied air and might win 6MOY. I’ve got him below Tyus because there’s a smidge of uncertainty around the Celtics rotation with Timelord coming back, and while I don’t think there’s any chance Brogdan’s starting, as better players trickle into his minutes we’ll see if he keeps up his extremely impressive production

7.     Christian Wood - There's something off about him that I can't put my finger on. Maybe it's that his team's abysmal to watch but they won't try him in the starting lineup. Regardless, he's an absolute bucket in our league and just you try and pry him away from his team

8.     Onyeka Okongwu - He's floated into this tier because of Capela's injury, but with a healthy Capela he's objectively in Tier 3. 27th best Center in the NBA by fantasy production

Tier 3: I won’t hang up immediately – These guys aren’t off the table, but you’re not gonna like the price

9.     Bogdan Bogdanovic - He'll be much higher in a month when he's been doing what he's been doing for a big enough sample size to justify it

10.    Bones Hyland - He's as likely to give you 40 as he is to suit up. If he irons out these little injuries he'll skyrocket. Fun fact: he’s Ja Morant’s favorite player to watch right now

11.    Kyle Anderson – Slo Mo is this high because KAT’s still out, but with a healthy team in front of him he’s a solid upper-lever Tier 4 guy

12.    Santi Aldama – He’s managed to consistently put up numbers even with Memphis’ crazy bench, plus he has the coach’s trust to hop in with the starters when they rest key players

13.    Donte DiVincenzo – The Big Ragu has fit the Warriors like we all knew he would, and with Steph out a few weeks he’s a guy Kerr trusts to keep the bench unit rolling. He’s arguably in Tier 2 for the next month

14.    Brandon Clarke - The rest of the team is just so talented that he gets these spells of low minutes. Something Aldama hasn't suffered from so far, which keeps Clarke down a half step

15.    Derrick White – Tenuous eligibility, but he’s looked great this year and has every chance of leaping up this list

16.    Larry Nance Jr - He's found chemistry with Zion and that's the best way to guarantee big minutes. His peaks of 57 and 60 point games are undeniable. Two days ago when we didn’t know Timelord was coming back, I’d take Grant Williams over him easily. But now, things are different

17.    Grant Williams - Boston's Bruce Brown. Does it all, stays healthy, gets spot starts, just doesn’t have the top-end potential some of these other guys give you. With Timelord back he went from Tier 2 to lower-end Tier 3, sadly

18.    Caris LeVert - Another one with an injury history. Plus, the Cavs have this weird thing where they'll just play some random white dudes a ton of minutes. But, he’s a known value, which keeps him above the rookie Mathurin

19.    Bennedict Mathurin - A walking 20 points. The rookie thing keeps expectations a little tampered, but if I'm honest I consider him untouchable

20.    Malik Monk- As a heat check guy you’re gonna see some ups and downs, but Monk’s proven the last two years to have way more ups, and he’s thriving in Sac Town’s fast pace

21.    Malik Beasley – Ever since I dropped him he’s done nothing but rise up this list. Considering he hit a slump with me and I dropped him, he should be a textbook fit for Tier 4. But! He’s been on a freaking tear and is now the 18th best SG in the NBA. The Jazz piece of this looms over him to keep him at the bottom of this tier

Tier 4: Okay, make me an offer – I’m listening. I’m not trying to offload any of these guys, but I’ll listen to reason

22.    Jalen McDaniels - The rumors of his eligibility have tanked his stock a bit. He recently sneakily started 8 games in a row. If he returns securely to the bench he’ll shoot back into Tier 2, but the risk factor makes him difficult to trade

23.    Walker Kessler – 26th best center in the NBA and he is been ON ONE for the last eight games: six of them racking up over 30 points and two of them over 50. I watched him protect the rim against Zion twice this week and holy shit this kid has it. Forget Gobert

24.    Jose Alvarado – Hurt right now, and competing with a very talented group of ball handlers in NOLA, but the spunk this guy plays with makes him nigh untouchable, even in a fantasy setting

25.    Nic Batum – A rock in the midst of a very shaky Clippers season. Getting serious minutes

26.    Jonathon Kuminga – He’s been rocky this year, but lately Kerr’s come back around to him. Even before Steph got hurt, he was playing a lot more. Expect him to not get traded this month

27.    Jalen Duren – Duren has the wonderful advantage of playing for a shit team who are focused on getting the youngest player in the league some real playing time. He’s been solid all year

28.    Alec Burks – Captain of the Old Man Team, Burks is far more valuable to us than he would be to anyone else, but he’d start for every other team and that means something

29.    AJ Griffin – Worked his way into some serious minutes and then the whole Hawks organization got hurt. He’s still a little hit or miss, but he’s proven important enough to be in this tier, if not a little higher

30.    Cole Anthony – As the year goes on he’ll cement his spot here

31.    Gary Trent Jr – He’s started the last two games, which throws a shadow of doubt over his eligibility. But if he returns to the bench he’s a Tier 3, maybe Tier 2 guy

Tier 5: Spotty – These dudes are really tall buildings. High ceilings, low floors. Market Price

32.    Kenyon Martin Jr – Rightfully at the top of this tier because his peaks are wonderful. The valleys come a little too often for him to crack Tier 4

33.    Saddiq Bey – He’s been a little disappointing but if you forget how good you thought he’d be and just look at his numbers he might be too low on this list

34.    Poku – The spot starts are great. Everything else is pretty bad

35.    Trey Murphy III – Fantasy points in his last five games: 22, 2, 28, 2, 44. Those highs keep him at the top of this tier, but my god those 2s are rough

36.    Immanuel Quickley – With a bit of lineup tumult around him he’s been pretty good. Nothing untradable, but certainly undroppable. Most guys in this tier fit that description

37.    Chris Boucher – He was horrible to start the year then all of a sudden he was a beast and then he was an every other game guy and I just can’t pin him down

38.    Cedi Osman – Real deal spotty, but when he hits you’re hype

39.    Nick Richards – An absolute double-double machine until a few weeks ago when he hit a wall of inconsistency out of nowhere. Has great potential to reclaim that form and jump up at least one tier

40.    Ayo Dosunmu – Part of a weird conglomerate of point guards in Chicago, and since they kicked him out of the starting lineup it’s been just as weird

41.    Pat Connaughton – He’s come out of the gate pretty slowly after his injury. A trade for him right now is a bet on the name over the form

42.    Luke Kennard – When he plays it’s all sunshine and rainbows

43.    Jaylen Nowell – The prototype for this tier

44.    Kevin Love – The injury bug has already struck KLove and that’s always gonna keep his stock low. The fact that he’s on the Old Man Team and that makes him hard to trade for also plays a factor

45.    Tari Eason – 20 fppg, he just gets them in bunches

46.    Ziaire Williams – Just came back and he’s in a crowded bench mob in Memphis

47.    Shaedon Sharpe – Was bad enough to get traded for a guy Isaac dropped immediately, but has turned it back around recently. Just can’t get a grip on him for long enough to vault him as high as he’d like to be ranked

Tier 6: The Nets – Tradeable in name alone

48.    Seth Curry – Seth’s hanging onto this list by a thread. A premier name, and a man we’ve all seen shoot the lights out, but injury and the fucking wackiness of his work environment have left him spotty to the max

49.    TJ Warren – Bubble TJ is back and looks pretty good. The Nets rested him when they rested their important players on Sunday, which is certainly a positive sign. Can we count on him to stay healthy? No

50.    Ben Simmons - An at-risk starter who's about as inconsistent as they come


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