Happy Thanks

Tomorrow’s the national day of drinking and stressing about family plans, so if I didn’t fire one off today I wouldn’t get to tell you my funny jokes until next week.

So here we go,

A quick chemistry check. Does winning cure everything? Has anyone been punched? Let’s find out. All the teams, ranked worst to first by chemistry (with wins as the tiebreaker)

Kenny – Atlanta Stempien

Wins – 0

Vets – 4

Original Draft Picks – 3

Divas – 1 = -1 (Grant Williams counts)

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 0

Score – 6

Cody – Sky High Smiths

Wins – 3

Vets – 2

Original Draft Picks – 2 (Lowest Loyalty Score in the League)

Divas – 0

Real-Life Teammate Pairs - 1

Score – 8

Michael – Twerk Nowitzki

Wins – 3

Vets – 3

Original Draft Picks – 3

Divas – 0 (Looking very closely at all the shooters on this team, but somehow none are divas)

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 1

Score – 10

Isaac – Rob Riggle

Wins – 5

Vets – 0 (Playing with an NCAA team over here)

Original Draft Picks – 6

Divas – 1 = -1 (You know who)

Real-Life Teammate pairs – 0

Chemistry Score – 10

Me – Brace Family YMCA

Wins – 4

Vets – 1 (This hurts my soul. Need to work on my locker room)

Original Draft Picks – 4

Divas – 0

Real-Life Teammate pairs – 2

Chemistry Score – 11

Peanut – Portland P***stars

Wins – 1

Vets – 6

Original Draft Picks – 6

Divas – 1 = -1 (Montrezl poked the bear; this is his reward)

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 0

Score – 12

Daniel – Mike Honcho’s Magic Men

Wins – 2

Vets – 3

Original Draft Picks – 7 (The most loyal of us all)

Divas – 1 = -1 (Boogie isn’t even playing but he counts)

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 1

Score – 12

Will – Password is Taco

Wins – 4

Vets – 3

Original Draft Picks – 5

Divas – 1 = -1 (The eye test tells me this team would implode in real life)

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 1

Chemistry Score – 12

Old Man Team – Melo’s Revenge 2.0

Wins – 0

Vets – 10 (hell yeah)

Original Draft Picks – 3

Divas – 0 (just a bunch of surly uncles)

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 2

Score - 15

Steven – Uranus Stinky Petes

Wins – 3

Vets – 6

Original Draft Picks – 6

Divas – 1 =-1

Real-Life Teammate Pairs – 2

Team Name – -1

Score – 15

Bonus Chemistry Stars

Team Whose Bench Gets Hit With A Tech Every Game For Jumping Onto The Court After A Huge Dunk Bonus Star goes to Steven

Team With the Worst Music in the Locker Room Bonus Star goes to Cody

Team Most Likely to Hop Down to Miami and Take a Squad Pick on a Boat on Their Day Off Right Before the Playoffs Like the OBJ Giants (remember that?) Bonus Star goes to Isaac, for that youngass team

And just for shits and gigs, each team’s best, or at least most fun, lineup, in my humble opinion

 

Rob Riggle

• Jordan Poole
• Shaedon Sharpe
• K Mart Jr
• Ben Simmons
• Bol Freaking Bol

-       Think of the wackiness. So long inside, such shooters outside. It would never work but I love it

Brace Family YMCA

• Tyus Jones
• Bennedict Mathurin
• Norm Powell
• Brandon Clarke
• Isaiah Hartenstein

-       Now that’s a damn lineup. No bias or anything, haha

Password is Taco

• Russ
• Kelly Oubre
• Royce O’Neale
• Santi Aldama
• Isaiah Jackson

-       Beefy lineup, but you can’t tell me Russ can play with Hayes or Anthony

Uranus Stinky Petes

• Goran Dragic
• Max Strus
• Batum
• Larry Nance Jr
• Christian Wood

-       Defensively porous but would you prefer Wood at the 4 and Charles Bassey at the 5? Maybe

Sky High Smiths

• Jose Alvarado
• Alex Caruso
• Trey Murphy III
• Poku
• Onyeka Okongwu

-       Sorry Yuta, Poku’s been eating this year. The defense on this team is an iron curtain

Twerk Nowitzki

• Malcolm Brogdan
• Collin Sexton
• Pat Connaughton
• Jalen McDaniels
• Nick Richards

-       The Hornets connection worries me a little in the paint, but this team would light it up

Mike Honcho’s Magic Men

• Dennis Smith Jr
• Malik Monk
• Deni Avdija
• Kyle Anderson
• Bobby Portis

-       A very easy to cheer for group

Portland P***stars

• Derrick Rose
• Seth Curry
• Bojan Bogdanovic
• Chuma Okeke
• Montrezl Harrell

-       Living and dying by Curry and Bogdanovic’s threes

Atlanta Stempien

• Tre Mann
• Bogdan Bogdanovic
• Bruce Brown
• Grant Williams
• Alperen Sengun

-       I like that front court. They make no sense in the best way

Melo’s Revenge 2.0

• TJ McConnell
• Alec Burks
• Jeff Green
• Kevin Love
• Thad Young

-       Strictly PFs

Happy Thanks, ya’ll