Newsletter After Dark

Gents,

I was going to wait til Monday to do the usual spiel, but you wouldn’t believe how grating it is to sit next to Isaac while Miles Bridges goes for back-to-back one-handed alley oops. Despicable. So here we go.

Oh Brother Where Art Thou awards for the week:

  

The “I have it on good authority that that [man] sold his soul to the Devil!” award goes to Isaac, for picking up the wifebeater. Boo. Hiss. 

The “Hot damn, son, I do believe you sold your soul to the devil!” award goes to Miles Bridges, for playing really well. It’s clear his Faustian gambit is paying early dividends. Just wait for the other shoe to drop. 

The “He’s a suitor” award goes to everyone with a Grizzly on their team. That franchise is cursed, and literally anyone you have from them on your squad who’s healthy is worth keeping around.

The “Come on in boys, the water is fine” award goes to THT for falling out of the starting lineup and into the warm, redeeming waters of our fantasy league and Steven’s team.

The “These boys is not white!” award goes to Michael’s whole team. Duncan Robinson has been capital H Hoopin’, and the white wonder is right behind him.

The “One with the capacity for abstract thought” award goes to Immanuel Quickley, for being the shining star of Peanut’s team while pretty much everyone else underperforms.

The “What does he know? He’s just a blind old fool” award goes to OMT for picking up Russ.

The “They done loved him up and turned him into a horny-toad” award goes to Will’s team. There’s no reason everyone’s hurt unless they stumbled into some sirens and got all loved up and turned into toads.

The “I don’t get it, Big Dan” award goes to Jalen’s team for getting walloped by the other winless team in the league.

The “Careful with that fire, now, boys!” award goes to Bobby Portis for getting 136 points this week. That man is red hot.

The “Little Warbigals” award goes to Cody for picking up a couple young’uns like Camara, Wallace, and Podz. Keep ‘em on a string or they’ll wander off.

The “Do a little politicking” award goes to Cam Payne (get it?) for becoming a solid backup point guard as of late.

The “I’m George Nelson, born to raise Hell!” award goes to Jose Alvarado for getting real close to coming back into the league and wreaking havoc. If you need a fuck shit up PG, now’s your chance.

Good luck out there, gents.