Before a massive Friday slate, here are the must-adds of the league, as represented by a Batman
1. Davion Mitchell - Robert Pattinson Batman
The downside here is that De'Aaron Fox is a quick healer and could be back in the starting lineup as soon as tomorrow. The upside is he might miss more games, and even if he's back, he shouldn't be playing 40 minutes a night for at least a few more games. This leaves room for old reliable: Off Night, also known as Robert Pattinson Batman. R Pats is young, not well-rounded, and still learning the game. That being said, he's got a bitchin car, some truly impressive contact lens technology, and a win-at-all-cost mentality.
2. Luke Kennard - Batfleck
Ja's still suspended, Derrick Rose is hurt, and the Grizzlies are 0-5. That paves the way for Nard Dog to get big minutes. The issue: Kennard is easily the least consistent best shooter in the league. He's made a habit of putting up elite shooting percentages but somehow continuing to get traded. He's got some cool stuff, like Batfleck's insane brutality (see the Bat Brand) and his cool car, but his weird voice modulator and his mass-over-toned muscle thing leaves a bit to be desired. But when you need him, he'll come through. Hopefully
3. Malaki Branham - Lego Batman
Devin Vassell is going to be out "for some time" according to Pop. This likely means Tre Jones slots back into the starting lineup, but even if Pop doubles down on not starting a PG, Branham's set to see more of the floor. He's put in a run of decent but not great performances this season, but he's a volume shooter; more time on the floor is exactly what he needs to unlock his potential, and he's about to get it. Like Branham, Will Arnett's role as Lego Batman is commonly overlooked in the extended Batman universe. But he's a star. Great voice, wonderful lack of self-awareness, brilliant comedic relief. If you stack him up next to the others, he's not gonna make the podium, but he's sneaky high on the list.
4. Aaron Holiday - Val Kilmer Batman
With rookie Amen Thompson out with his second ankle sprain since being drafted, the next man up on Udoka's squad is veteran Aaron Holiday. Holiday spent last season backing up Trae Young, and he put in a solid, consistent shift. On this team of younglings who don't understand NBA defense yet, Udoka shouldn't mind giving a heavier load to Holiday. Holiday is Val Kilmer Batman because that's a good movie and you can't convince me otherwise. He gets shit on, he only had one movie, the suit is rigid and weird, but guess what? He did the job. So will Holiday.
5. Toumani Camara - Keanu Reeves Batman
I had never heard Camara's name before he was thrown into the Ayton trade. Now that he's on Portland, he's getting well over 20 mpg, and while his production is a little inconsistent, he's put up 20+ fantasy points twice already. He's set to play Memphis next, and Memphis might just be the pile-on team this year. Camara is Keanu Reeves Batman because I had no idea this existed. And I'm a Keanu Reeves fan. Is it gonna make me watch the League of Superpets? No. Is it cool information to have? Sure.
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