Draft Recap: Damon Style

 In the aftermath of a truly raucous draft, here is every team drafted as Matt Damon characters

Nevada Nidokings: Departed Matt Damon

An ambitious mix of youth and veteran savvy. Players like O'Neale, Richardson, and Harris know what it takes to make it in this town and they're willing to do it. Upstarts with limitless potential like Wiseman and Black keep them young and spunky. A dangerous, motivated team.

Twerk Nowitzki: Jason Bourne Matt Damon

We fucked up and let Michael have Brogdon again, and that man is a trained killer. With players like Vincent, Mann, and Saric, this team has the smarts to cut you to ribbons, and with Reid, Brogdon, and Eubanks, the braun to beat the piss out of you. Plus I'm confident Alex Caruso can tell you every license plate in the parking lot.

Old Man Team: Oppenheimer Matt Damon

Not just because it's his most recent movie and he's a little old in it. Mostly that, but also because this team will be run like the goddam Army. All vets,  everyone knows their rotations, they know the sets. They're clinical. Can they run as fast as they used to could? No. But they don't have to.

Mike Honcho's Magic Men: Invictus Matt Damon

Ya'll remember this movie? South African rugby team? Couldn't understand a damn word Damon said the whole time? Good stuff. Mike Honcho's Magic Men are big, burly, tough motherfuckers. If we were playing rugby, I'm picking the team that has Timelord, Bobby Portis, DFS, and Rui on it. Bonus points for drafting Dennis Smith Jr and Frankie Smokes on the same team. I also feel like they'd be great at rugby.

Brace Family YMCA: Talented Mr Ripley Matt Damon

Such a good movie, I just had to give it to myself. This team might not have the freak athletes, but it's got scary intelligence. Players like Slow Mo, Niang, and Bogey make precise movements like Tom Brady in the pocket. Also, Ripley is a villain, and this team has Grayson Allen, so there ya go.

Luka Deez Beanz: Adjustment Bureau Matt Damon

Couple of absolute dawgs on this team who will spit in the face of their actual destiny and push onward anyway (really hoping ya'll have seen this movie). Hart and Thybulle on the same team is just about as much hustle, versatility, and grit as you can ask for. Plus, in the one in a million shot that Wood pops, this team will break the mold and get to be with the woman it loves (it really is a good movie).

Sky High Smiths: Eurotrip Matt Damon

Scotty Doesn't Know is a bonafide G and a certified thug, and you can't teach that. This team is off the rails, going from autodrafting the two best starters in the NBA, to taking truly good picks in Powell and Melton, back to taking huge swings like Bagley and Ingles. No plan, all vibes. I love it. What a bop.

Password is Taco: Rounders Matt Damon

This entire team is a gamble, hahaha. From taking three rookies (!) to going all-in on Jonathan Isaac, this team would be a blast to party with. Also, much like Damon in the movie (another great flick) this team looks like it's in way over its head, but it just might have an ace up its sleeve if one or even all of these rookies hit.

Rob Riggle: Will Hunting Matt Damon

This was gonna go to the team who drafting Pritchard one way or another, but this team does in fact have some very smart players in Agbaji, Plumdog Millionaire, and the Big Ragu. I know he's not from Boston, and he doesn't play for Boston, but is there a player in the league with a more Boston mindset than Cam friggin Thomas? You think you're better than me? All high and goddam mighty. I'm mixing up my Boston movies, but you get the point: my boy's wicked smaht.

New Bern Nemotodes: Interstellar Matt Damon

This team aligns itself with Interstellar Damon's core philosophy: run and gun. Anthony, Hield, Curry, Mann, Kleber, Griffin, this team is overflowing with shooters. They're gonna lull you into a sense of security on defense and then get up and out of there in transition before hitting an above the break three that abandons you on an ice planet.