Injury Talk and Stat Stuff

We’ve had a good deal of shake ups take place recently, and I’m gonna try to dictate all the ripples they’ve caused.

1.     Devin Booker got hurt – I know this isn’t super-recent, but it was domino number one of the present Suns problems (the immediately present Suns problems, that is). Without Booker, CP’s been bad, and then hurt. Then Ayton went and got hurt. Then Cam Payne and Landry Shamet got hurt. All of a sudden Dario Saric was starting and dropping 30 fantasy points (check in with Will to see how well he does tonight). Duane Washington Jr became a walking bucket. Hell, Josh Okogie got picked up (and Peanut dropped Luke Kennard to do it! Respect for the dedication to the Portland name by keeping two unknown but shockingly good (at least Eubanks is) Trail Blazers on the team). Old Man Team dropped Joe Harris tonight to go after Hornets Legend Bismack Biyombo, who is somehow only recently 30. All of these additions would have been lunacy a month ago

2.     Curry got hurt – This brought on another wonderful time for nerds like us when two-way players Ty Jerome and Anthony Lamb became giants among men. Can’t wait for a shittier franchise to sign one of those guys to real money and immediately regret it. Sadly (for us (but not for Isaac, because Poole’s eligibility has remained) Curry’s back

3.     KAT stayed out – They haven’t even put a timetable on his return. Yeesh. Ripple number one from this was that when Gobert also went down Naz Reid became a super star. Ripple number two is that KAT’s been out for so long that Gobert came back and now Naz Reid’s arguably fine. He’s inarguably a very good backup center, but they pay Gobert entirely too much to let Reid cook. And then Taurean Prince came back and I snagged him. Can ya’ll believe Prince is only 28? That man’s one year older than I am

4.     Duren and Beef Stew got hurt (it’s all injury stuff) – Which meant that Will dusted off Nerlens Noel, to mixed results. Also when Bojan went down for a game the Pistons dusted off Kevin freaking Knox! Nobody snagged him, and that’s more than fair, but how great would it’ve been if Kevin snuck into our league? For this brief moment, Hamidou Diallo was a wonderful pickup for me; I’m already worried I dropped him too soon. We’ll see. Also we’re keeping one eye on Saddiq Bey

5.     KD got hurt – We haven’t seen the ramifications of this just yet, but I expect TJ Warren (of bubble fame) will hop into the starting lineup. Making Peanut’s team a fun underdog for the next month or so

6.     ALSO just to butt in here for a second and talk about Peanut’s team – Maxey came back. And after a short, weird stint with Embiid hurt, he’s fully returned to the starting lineup. Meaning that Peanut could now play De’Anthony Melton (all star?) but just hold onto your knickers because before Melton could even play a game Peanut traded him to Michael’s team for Jalen McDaniels!!! A blockbuster trade! Two killers in this league, two all stars (I’ve answered my own question: Melton’s an all star) two equally good players in my mind. Words from sources surrounded the trade who wished to remain anonymous went as such: “I got away with murder,” and “I hope I didn’t fuck myself.”

1. McDaniels has started the last four games. Now, this is only because Gordan Hayward, surprise, got hurt. This trade, not to throw any shade on you, Peanut, is great for McDaniels’ eligibility. On a winning team the lights shined bright (although we missed a pretty big stretch of starts before Christmas), while on an underdog the media is a little more lenient
2. Melton’s a stud. He averages two steals a game. That’s eight points right there
3. Both are invaluable to injury-prone teams and will undoubtedly pick up spot-starts for the rest of the year
4. Their stats, straight-up, without any other implications
1. McDaniels: 26.4 mins, 10.9 pts, 2.1 ast, 4.9 reb, 1.1 stl, 0.6 blk, avg 24.3 fpts, 1022 total points 
2. Melton: 29.8 mins, 11.7 pts, 2.9 asts, 4.7 reb, 1.9 stl, 0.5 blk, avg 29.4 fpts, 1088 total points

I’d like to end with a cool, fun activity to do the next time you’re looking at our league in a browser (the app doesn’t go into as much detail). Go to Standings, scroll all the way to the right, and sort us by real-life points scored. It gets nuts. Let me save you some time and show you now. Again, by real-life points scored, here is how the league looks (with current actual standings in parentheses) :

1. Rob Riggle (2) – NBD
2. Me (5) – Fuck you guys
3. Uranus Stinky Petes (4) – Wood
4. Twerk Nowitzki (3) – Wood, hahaha
5. Password is Taco (1) – Piece of shit assist-and-block team
6. Sky High Smiths (6) – Never change, Cody
7. Portland P***Stars (8) – About to change
8. Old Man Team (9) – Always suspected we were getting shafted
9. Atlanta Stempien (10) – How is he not last?
10. Mike Honcho’s Magic Men (7) – Oh, that’s how