Fuck it, if our league was a football team:
- Kevin Love is our park and bark QB1, zipping frozen ropes downfield. Have you seen that man grab a rebound and toss a one-handed zinger all the way across the court? Gotta get somebody back there who can get the ball downfield
- Cam Thomas is an iso legend. Get him the ball and get out of the way
- Kelly Oubre and Bennedict Mathurin are rangy athletes who can high point the ball and make something happen after the catch. Neither have elite speed, but we're getting plenty of stuff underneath with our next two skill players
- Austin Reaves in the slot is racially motivated. He's our Wes Welker
- Kyle Anderson might seem like a terrible TE, but the man quite simply will always be open. He'll find the hole in the zone and sit down in it, ready for the checkdown
- Larry Nance Jr is a rock at Center. Always plays his role with a great attitude, has chemistry with Kevin Love, isn't gonna make little mistakes
- For our Guards we've got tenacity. We need a yard? Bobby Portis is gonna get us a yard. Naz Reid brings the youth and athleticism the other three don't have anymore
- At Tackle we've got two guys who can move their feet. Jaylin Williams is the best charge-drawer in the league, Nic Batum is the quintessential three and D veteran wing. Those guys are gonna stay in front of their defenders
- Our Defensive Ends are pretty self-explanatory. Jonathon Isaac is gonna get in the damn backfield, and if he doesn't, he just needs to stretch one four-foot-long arm up in the air to bat away a pass. Isaiah Jackson plays basketball like a kangaroo. He's batting passes and blowing by offensive linemen all night
- On the interior, we've got one of the premier shot blockers in the league in Onyeka Okongwu, standing his ground and getting those hands up. Next to him we have the scrappiest guy in the league, Marcus Morris Sr. Gotta have a meanie in there to set the tone
- At corner we've got two elite perimeter defenders. Dyson Daniels is huge and Jose Alvarado's gonna call his own number on the blitz and be in the backfield before the QB can blink
- Dennis Smith Jr was practicing to try out in the NFL before the Hornets gave him a second life last year, so yeah, he's on the team. Got him at Nickel so we can pretty much play him wherever he's needed
- Inside Linebacker and play-caller is Dorian Finney-Smith. He's got all the tangibles: 30, 6'7, rangy, veteran enough to have seen it all, in his prime enough to still make the plays
- Outside Linebacker is the longest arms you've ever seen in Bilal Coulibaly, who's gonna win DPoY before he retires
- Strong Safety is Josh Hart. Effort, tenacity, and a helluva rebounder, which I do equate to interceptions
- Free Safety is Matisse Thybulle. I really don't need to explain this one, it's my most defensible pick
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