Week 8 Whip-Around

 After a weird week of on-again off-again basketball, we return with fervor to a poorly-organized bulleted list:

• Bradley Beal's eyeing a return this Tuesday, and if you believe that, I've got a bridge to sell you. This will (God willing) deliver us either Eric Gordon or Grayson Allen. Now, KD's gonna have to be healthy at the same time as Beal for this to happen, so don't hold your breath. But for now, keep a very close eye on Gordon and Allen
• The Magic continue to be incredibly hurt at guard, so Gary Harris is getting some very real minutes
• Chicago have won four straight after Lavine got "hurt." Patrick Williams is back in the starting lineup (sorry Will), Caruso's got a toe and ankle injury so he's doubtful for tonight, Jevon Carter has hardly had an impact but if ever he's going to it could be right now
• Evan Mobley's out with knee soreness tonight (second straight game he's missed), and LeVert's out too. Take your pick of Isaac Okoro or Dean Wade for tonight at least, and possibly longer. Knee injuries don't exactly go away for 7-footers. Also, my guy Craig Porter (second highest pick and roll success rate in the league) should get a look
• Kyrie, Grant Williams, and Josh Green are hurt. It's break the glass time on Jaden Hardy. Dante Exum is somehow eating, so look into him too
• I wish I could understand what Detroit's up to. With Bogdanovic back and Duren hurt, they continue to shift the lineup in ways that defy comprehension. Alec Burks is playing a little again, so that's nice I guess
• Jarred Vanderbilt's back and seems confined to the bench for now. Minutes are low, but he's an important piece for the Lakers
• I don't know who the fuck Vince Williams Jr is, but if you wanna ride the lightning with the random Grizzlies player of the week, it's him right now
• Bam, Herro, and Highsmith are out for the Heat. Orlando Robinson's a good pickup since they've just completely given up on Thomas Bryant
• Mitchell Robinson's got an ankle issue. Thibs hates his deep bench, so they'll probably just play Hartenstein 40 minutes, but if the issue continues it might be Jericho Sims time
• Alright but for real, when's this Josh Giddey stuff gonna hit the fan?
• Don't ask me why, but Marcus Morris is getting some minutes for Philly
• Utah are exactly the clusterfuck I thought they'd be last year. Can't tell who's starting, who's hurt, who's good. Take a swing if you feel bold

Some Bonus Stars!

The Dylan Thomas Bonus Star for writing me a lovely little poem after beating me this week goes to Steven

The Bill Yoast in Remember the Titans Bonus Star for betraying your convictions and dropping a white man off the team goes to Michael for dropping Duncan Robinson for eligibility purposes

The J Rock Don't Play Me For A Fool, Muh'fuckas Who Look Like That Is Definitely Not OFF the Cheeseburgers; Muh'fuckas Who Look Like That is Definitely ON the Cheeseburgers Bonus Star for telling me you were gonna drop Miles Bridges and then not dropping Miles Bridges goes to Isaac

The Even a Blind Squirrel Finds a Nut Bonus Star for winning your first game goes to Jalen